1:30 am

I lay my head on my pillow,

Cotton feels like hammer to nail,

My thoughts trail and I make

The mistake of thinking of you.

My thoughts cascade from Niagara to Iguazu, 

By now, it’s 3:00 am in

I’m not sure which time zone

And I still can’t sleep.

But who I am kidding? 

I was thinking about you five hours ago, 

While I was trying not to-

After I turned the musica romantica off,

Did the dishes,

And a whole load of laundry by hand.

I was trying to focus on something more kinesthetic,

Anything just to get out of the habit.

I got myself reading up on theories of emotions, 

Been trying to deprogram the physiological responses, 

Control the compulsion and repress the cognitive instincts,

To mull things over and think of you incessantly.

I’ve been trying to cure the necessity to ruminate

Been working on hyper-focusing on your yellowed teeth,

The twice worn shirts. 

Anything to snap me out of the fixation.

Last week, I went three whole days 

Without thinking of you much.

I was almost proud of myself, 

Until I found myself furiously 

Making out with you in the back of a taxi.

And I know it was just a dream,

But I woke up with your taste still in my mouth

And I smelled like you.

Fuck.